Halloween Hijinks
by Bittersweet Romanticide
Summary: It's Halloween night, and a drunk Ash and Misty are getting a visit from the ghosts of Halloween Past, Present and Future, all with the same goal: to prevent them from having sex. Of course, the young drunks aren't too keen on that...AAML, no lemon


Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, Aang, The Nightmare Before Christmas, or Madlibs. If I owned ANY of these, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be making my own show/movie/enterprise.

_**Halloween Hijinks**_

Perhaps a drinking contest wasn't the intelligent thing to do, but it _was _the fun thing to do. After all, drinking is quite normally the fun thing to do. Often, when faced with the intelligent thing to do and the fun thing to do, it is well known that Ash will choose the fun choice. It is rarer known that, when faced with the same decision, Misty will choose the exact same thing. And why wouldn't they? They didn't think that any harm could come of it. It was Halloween, after all! All Hollow's Eve, the night where spirits were out and about and kids in stupid costumes begged for candy to which a drunk Ash and Misty would reply, "this is a toll house; one candy from each for walking through our yard, you little monsters." The parents did not appear amused, but what did they care? It was Halloween, a wonderful night for drunks everywhere, and Ash and Misty were eager to join those drunken ranks.

At twenty four, neither of them were strangers to drinking, especially considering the legal limit in Kanto was eight. Drunk, however, was rare to never. Drunk was for Halloween and St. Patrick's Day, the typical drunken holidays. This wasn't the first time they had been drunk together, but it was the first time they were drunk together alone. This was quickly discovered to be immensely preferred to being around sober people while drunk, who shot down fantastic ideas like cliff-diving or motorcycle racing.

It brought them to standing in front of a house, dressed as Batman and Catwoman, with egg cartons in hand, two each, proudly displaying the blue. Perhaps, more confusing than how they managed to buy eggs on Halloween, drunk off their asses was where they had managed to find costumes on Halloween night, whereas every single store seemed to be sold out of everything but the ugly, disgusting, horrifying costumes that no one wanted to buy. But drunks have a certain power to acquire stupid, mischief making things that no one else can, and maybe that was just the way things were supposed to go.

"This is it," Misty said. She flopped open the container and pulled out a large, oval egg. She eyed it, wondering for a second _what _is was, before her drunken mind cleared it as an egg. She beamed and bounced it up and down. "This is the bastard's house."

Ash began to bounce an egg of his own, looking an awful lot like Batman, having the fantastic, muscle building costume, though his darker skin did ruin it. "Did he really call you a hooker, slut, whore and all those other names, Misty?"

"Ash, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm drunk, very drunk. I'm lucky I still remember what _house _my ex lives in, which is really weird because I don't really remember his name. I think it's Aang…or maybe he was bald like Aang…ah, well, I don't keep track of every insult thrown at me. I don't know if you've noticed, but there are an awful lot. I know he called me something and that should be good enough. Hell, he broke up with me!"

He smirked. "I came up with half of those names. 'Sides, I don't care if he called you a hooker or not. I've got a carton of eggs and I'm Batman, dammit! I'm fucking Batman! Wanna see how Batman eggs a house?" He paused dramatically. "He eggs a house like fucking Batman!"

She shrugged with a grin. "Can't be better than me, Batman. I'm purrrrfect at everything I do." She rolled the purr across her tongue with less of a slur than anything else in her sentence, and then pretended to do a very Catwoman like move, liking the back of her hand and smoothing it around her face.

Then, quickly, they emptied the cartons of eggs, both of them (and Pikachu, bouncing around completely sober in the background behind them) wanting to get it done quickly before another drunk, an _angry _drunk came out. Even in their questionably alcohol ridden state, they knew the angry drunk _definitely _had the type trump over their nicer, happy drunk disposition. They were surveying their work when he opened the door, throwing a beer bottle at them and shaking his fist. In response, the two cackled and rushed off into the night, asking one another what it must be like for a cop on Halloween, to get a call saying that Batman and Catwoman had egged someone's house.

So they ran, down the path, all the way until the met with the gym door. Though it was electric, they were running, and slammed directly into it. They were knocked on their asses, rubbing their heads and giggling, until the door opened and they stumbled to their feet. Once again, they stumbled across the crowded party room, earning shrieks and shouts from the men and women, furious that the two couldn't hold their liquor. All the way up the stairs to Misty's room, where they collapsed on the bed in giggles, rolling around and covering their faces with their arms, breathless from running and laughing.

For a moment, they were laughing, and then…they weren't. They weren't sure how it happened either, but they were looking at one another, alcohol tainted breath mingling in the short distance spread between them, and the giggles slowed to a stop. Breath was still slow and deep from the run, from the laughing, but hearts pounded for a different, more excited reason now. And they itched to lean closer.

"Maybe I'm drunk," he murmured, his eyes wandering down to her lips. "Maybe it's just the dark room, so it's like you're not really Mist."

Her voice was hushed when she replied, soft as the feather-like touch on his cheek. "Why are you saying that, stupid? I know you're drunk."

"I guess it's so you're not as mad when I make a move on you." He gave her a drunken smile. "And I will make a move on you. I'll kiss you. It'll take second because I can't really remember how to move right now. But once I figure it out, I'm going to kiss you."

But before he could try anything she beat him to the punch, closing the distance and making a quiet, strangled moan. It had been too long since lips had touched, hands had felt, passion was released in its cage with a fiery burst, and even when it was, with other men and women, it never seemed to be quite like this. It never seemed to be as dangerous, as sexy, just anywhere near as wonderful. Lips moved and tongues dashed, perhaps not the slow, needful, loving sex they were after, but they were drunk. Drunk and scared that the alcohol would wear off too some and the other's desire would vanish.

Their lips parted so they could take off their shirt, Misty going for her bra but quickly more occupied with his pressing lips on hers, his body pushing her down to the mattress and his arms looping around her back and holding her close. The next time lips parted, it was her doing, opting instead to trail along his neck and chest, nipping as she went. He moaned, a delicious sound, right before dragging her back and bringing their lips together again, maybe a sign of how it would go too far, how if it ended at kissing it would be alright, but anymore and eyes wouldn't be able to meet the next morning.

"Take off your pants," Misty blurted between kisses.

He nodded. "Alright, but you have to take off yours too."

And hands pawed at buttons and zippers, leaving them in underwear and clutching each other tight, kissing and clawing and biting and licking. For a moment it slowed, for a time, maybe it was enough to kiss, that they saw through the veil of liquor and didn't need the sex they thought they did. But the song changed to something sexy and fast and dirty. The bed's vibration grew and the moment was ruined. The kiss sped up, rushed and frantic and skipping her bra entirely, he brought his finger down to hook the elastic, about to drag it down and engaged in the dangerous activity when the first ghost appeared.

"Ew! What are you doing?" Ash screamed. It wasn't the same Ash, not quite. It was a younger Ash, a ten year old Ash, with trainer's outfit on and brown eyes being covered with one hand. The other was preoccupied with covering Misty's who was quite in the same state. For convenience's sake, we'll call them L'il Ash and L'il Misty, and it was L'il Ash, not Ash, that said this: "That's disgusting! Why…? How could you…? She's a girl! What if you get cooties?"

L'il Misty pulled his hand away, furious, and not nearly as traumatized as the innocent boy next to her. "Cooties? Cooties aren't real you moron! What if you get an STD? Grown-up Misty, I'm disappointed in you! How could you possibly marry _him_? He's a moron! I bet he won't even make it past the Orange League!"

"Don't be disappointed, we're not married," Misty argued herself weakly, disappointed at the ruined moment. Frankly, she was more terrified than L'il Ash, wondering if her drinks had been drugged with a little something else. It wasn't every day that a smaller version of yourself and your sexual partner appeared in your room, ruining the moment and making you go from hot and heavy to confused and paranoid.

L'il Misty's eyes bulged for a moment, then still trying to rationalize her character, snapped, "Well, how could he be your first?"

"I'm your first?" Ash asked in surprise, sitting up just as she was. Misty snorted and held up three fingers, letting him know he was her third sexual encounter. "See, don't worry. I'm you third, Li'l Mist. So, uh, we were busy so could you come back-"

"No!" The two screamed.

"We're here to stop this. We've been told what to tell you and the biggest one is _no sex_," L'il Ash accented. He stopped and looked at the two of them, noticing their mostly naked state with a blush. "And put your pants on. It's not a rule; it's just something to make us less awkward. We're going to the past and we don't need you waking around pantsless."

"Wait, the past?" Misty asked, voice raising in the high, squeaky tone that alerted them all she was getting upset. "We're going to the past? Why? I'm turned on and…and I wanna have sex!" She crossed her arms and began to whine. "I don't want a journey to the past! I want sex _now! And _I want to do it with him! I think he's sexy, _damn _sexy, and we are about to get freaky! I _won't _put my pants on! You can't make me either!"

Li'l Ash and Li'l Misty smirked, each raising their hands to simultaneously snap their fingers, a bit creepy, but then anything small children do in unison becomes creepy with time. More frightening was, a second later, they were on a mountain, snow falling on naked flesh and chilling them to the bone. The snow came up to mid-thigh, mid _naked _thigh, and would surely give them frostbite if they didn't get out soon.

The drunks began to scream and L'il Misty giggled, "Do you still want sex or do you want to put your pants on?"

The two begin to scream about pants and the little ones snapped again, waiting patiently for their older counterparts to pull on pants, which they did quickly, shivering and squealing all the while. It wasn't long before they were Catwoman and Batman once more, which did delight the youngsters, knowing that, even at this age, they still seemed eager to dress up and act like children. Fingers snapped again, and transported them to a much louder place.

It was Halloween in Pallet Town, children running door to door, baskets in hand, crunching over drying leaves. There was laughter, the occasional scream, and the whistle of the chilly night air. Nothing abnormal seemed to be going on here, and they did look, eyes big and bright and drunk as they tried to take in the abrupt scene change, succeeding in this much easier as the alcohol had dulled their perceptions anyway.

"Where are we?" Ash asked.

"_When_ are you?" Li'l Misty corrected. "It's Halloween of you tenth year. The two of us, you, whatever, _we've_ been running around all night. You remember, don't you? Look close, right there. I'm sure if you focus in on it you'll remember in a second. And we landed right in the right spot too! See that little crack in the sidewalk there? Probably not, drunks, but that's where the story starts, so keep an eye on it."

They did, alcohol addled eyes trying to focus in the memory before them. Ash, Li'l Ash, was clad in a Superman uniform whereas L'il Misty was dressed as a witch. The two were loaded with candy, pillow cases full to the brim. Brock was a few feet behind them, chatting up a woman in a Nurse Joy outfit, failing pitifully but trying with all his might. He didn't even notice when Superman tripped over a crack in the concrete and banged his nose on the sidewalk. He began to cry almost immediately, rolling over on his back and clutching the injured part. It wasn't broken or bruised, but it had gotten scraped and blood pooled gently around the wound, from little pinprick holes one could only get from concrete.

Misty froze at the sound of his cry, looking back and running to his side when she saw what was going on. Other children passed them on the sidewalk, any who dared to laugh getting a glare that could freeze the sun. When his crying had slowed to a tolerable volume, she looked away from the other children. She sat him up, and tugged away his hand, spitting on her cloak and wiping the blood off his nose. He yelped, and tried to pull away, telling her how bad it stung, but her hand stayed until the blood was gone and the flow had stopped, the spit working as a very, very mild disinfectant and cleaning out the wound.

Then, most astounding of all, Misty pulled away the robe, smiled, and placed a light kiss on his nose, claiming it was now "all better". She took his hand and led him to the next house, calling over her shoulder for Brock, who jumped away from Nurse Joy and went chasing after them in a police officer costume.

"I remember that!" Ash exclaimed. "That was the first time she was ever nice to me, I mean _really _nice, out of her way to be nice. It wasn't the absence of mean, like she usually does when most people consider her nice, she actually had a heart. And it wasn't faking, it wasn't acting. I'd never actually had her do something like that before." He looked at her, grinning. "You actually had a heart, Mist."

Both Misty's blushed at this, whereas L'il Ash bean to snicker at the Li'l Misty, snidely quoting "you _had _a heart," before she elbowed him savagely, making him double over in pain.

"See, now _that's _a romantic moment!" L'il Misty exclaimed. "What isn't romantic is you screwing in my _bed _which is now _tainted _and I can't sleep in it anymore." L'il Misty shivered at this. "This moment is the turning point, well, one of the turning points, because this was when you first showed Ash you cared for him, if not as a boyfriend, then a best friend. This was also the moment when Ash finally saw _every _part of you, your kindness, anger, defensiveness, and all that other stuff that makes us a not so horrible person. It all worked out so he finally saw you and began like all of you. He started to have a crush on you."

L'il Ash puffed up defensively, "I don't like _girls!_"

"Shut up, Ash," L'il Misty retorted. "And since you two started to fall in love, but never admitted it or even just discussed it or even just kissed in tiny little bursts or something _normal _people do, all that pent up sexual frustration came out. Now, we're going to try to think through the alcohol. I really believe you can. Do you remember the last time it came out?"

The two searched their memories faces contorting with thought. The younger pair began to whisper, wondering if it was within their power to cure the drunk disease or if they should just get them charcoal to make them throw up. Thankfully, the older two both decided in a short time that, no they never, ever released any tension before, but they were both still very concerned with getting their sexual frustration out now. The two sighed and snapped their fingers again, this time standing in a warm living room, a quiet Halloween party at Prof. Oak's place. Each person in the room had hot cider, watching _The Nightmare Before Christmas_.

"This, drunks, is Halloween in your fourteenth year. It's Gary Oak's party. Ash was invited thank to the Professor, Misty was invited thanks to her sisters. In a few seconds, people are going to start leaving. Most of them say they're too grown up for the movie. You two didn't care. Is this bringing back anything? Anything at all?"

"I remember the cider tasted good," Ash began, making the other's scream at him for his stupidity.

The two groaned and Misty slapped his shoulder. "It's always gonna be about food with you, isn't it, you fatty?"

Ash glared. "I wasn't done. I was going to say I remember the cider tasted good. I told Misty that and then we…" He blushed. "I don't know. Everything just sort of come out at once. It wasn't hers, but it was my first kiss. It wasn't really romantic or chaste or anything like the movies. It went from surprised to hot." He gulped. "Very, very hot."

Ash remembered, _distinctly_ remembered flicking his eyes away from the screen to watch the redhead, glad t torture himself with what he couldn't have. Misty took a slow, long sip of cider, then licked her lips with a happy sigh. His fourteen year old stomach had twisted, his mouth going dry. For the moment, he couldn't think of anything but her, not pokémon, not battling, but the way she'd look flattered under him on the couch, and _happy _to be flattened under him on the couch.

"I had the biggest crush on you," Ash told the real redhead. "Not that I didn't like other girls. I did. You were just the biggest. Maybe it's because you were my first. That's why it was so…severe. It hurt that you ran off after we kissed. You didn't want to talk about it. I thought you thought I raped you. I scared you off or something.

"No, other way around, Ash." She shook her head. "I guess you deluded yourself because I was embarrassed by what I had done. I kissed you, Ash. You didn't kiss me. I did let you get on top, but I was the one who started it."

"And, here it comes," L'il Misty prompted. "Let's see how it plays out. Which one of you corrupted the other?"

The space between them on the couch had vanished. The horny, eager Ash had scooted close and closer as the movie went on. Misty had finished her cider, as had he. So when she set hers down on the coffee table next to the couch, he stretched an arm out across her chest to set the cider down. His arm lingered much too long, and her had just enough shame to avoid the eye contact.d He pulled away and murmured, "Good cider."

She looked at him with cautious, clear eyes, blue with swirls of green, two toned eyes. "Well, if you want, I could have you taste it again."

He barely nodded before she leaned into him, pushing him lat and attacking his mouth. Hands looped in hair and around necks and tongues met with hearty moans. It wasn't long before Ash had decided to take the initiative, rolling them over so he was on top. Misty hesitated, then smiled into the kiss and went subservient. No farther than that, and only springing apart when they heard fast steps pounding down the hallway. Thankfully, it was only Pikachu with a sly smile, nuzzling the new couple that wasn't really a couple.

"And this was important because it was the first time I got any action!" Ash chirped, feeling accomplished at finally figuring it out.

L'il Misty slapped her forehead. "No, Ash. That isn't what's important. What's important is what happened after all this, or what didn't happen. Neither of you could look one another in the eye. You refused to talk about it! There's a pattern. Did you use your actions instead of your…?"

The older Misty grinned. "I loves adlibs! Noun, adjective, or verb?"

Now, both little ones groaned and slapped their foreheads, renewing an oath to never, ever drink. Ash found the words to describe his horror first, "A retarded Psyduck, _your _Psyduck, after being hit so hard it dropped a brain level, could take us drunk on an IQ test."

This prompted Li'l Misty to begin screaming, stomping her foot and hair flashing: "It's not an adlib! You don't _talk_! If you used your words instead of making out and assuming that the other wouldn't feel the same way you might, just _might_ be a great couple, get married, instead of having an illegitimate child and dying cold and alone you stupid, stupid drunks! I can't believe I get so stupid when I grow up!"

"But I can barely stand," Misty moaned. "Things barely make sense right now. I can't talk about my feelings drunk! I can't talk about them sober!"

"I'll use a condom," Ash suggested. "It won't get messed up. I'll use a condom. I'll put on two. Misty's on the pill. None of us have STD's so we should be fine. There's nothing that should happen, she _could _get pregnant but what are the odds of that?"

"Alright then," L'il Ash growled. "Since, apparently, learning your history isn't enough to fix your mistakes before they happen, we're going to take you to the current time. Well, you're going. You'll meet up with the next couple of ghosts once we send you back. We'll go back to sleep and won't remember any of this, thank goodness, but I bet Misty will still burn her bed when she gets to her house. And remember, no sex. Words before actions. Try talking for once, please. I don't want to make this kind of mistake."

"That goes for me too!" L'il Misty nodded. "So, what have we learned?"

"Use a condom!" The older two chorused.

Groaning at their failure and hoping the next group would do better, they snapped their fingers and sent the little drunks back to their room, where they might have gotten the condom on and gone back to their activities had it not been for the other two ghosts glaring at them, hauling the guilty drunks away from each other. These ghosts were them, appropriately aged and all, though one _could _deduce that they were much more sober.

"I told you alcohol was the root of all evil," Sober Misty sighed. "It's addictive, makes you act stupid, and thank to what you our younger counterparts saw something horrible and have been scarred for life. Hell! I don't want to watch us having sex! We're probably ugly! I can't imagine what I'd look like. I can see you, Ash, and I have nightmares."

Ash snorted. "Please, I hadn't even undone you bra. You, my dear, are all over _me_. You want to see my sex face. You want me to do you."

"Only in your dreams," she retorted. "Besides, I'm drunk. I'm drunk beyond drunk! Look at me! I probably think I ate a bad mushroom and got high off of it!" Sober Misty chuckled. "Which you're not, I'm sorry. This is all very, very real and you will remember it tomorrow. Even through that banging hangover."

Misty pouted. "The last ghosts were nicer. They gave us madlibs. But they did put us in the cold. But you two dragged us away before we could do anything. Why can't we have just a little bit of sex? It wouldn't have to be a lot. Just one time. You know what it's like, and Ash probably isn't any good at it! It'll only take five minutes!"

"Two minutes if you do the work," he corrected. "You don't want anything out of it, do you? Ah, well, I don't care, you can do it forever long you want as long as you do the work. I'm afraid I'm too drunk to. I might fall out."

"Alright, moving on from that creepy topic: so we're the ghosts of Halloween present, here to show what you two are missing out on by being up here drunk." Sober Ash declared, rubbing his hands together eagerly, letting Ash out of his grasp. "I think this just ought to become a lesson on drinking. It's a lot easier than setting them up with a lasting relationship. Lesson One: never drink or you'll bang your best friend."

"Ash," Sober Misty scolded. "Come on, we're here to save our relationship. It's about so much more than sex and drinking."

"Misty, People have been trying to get us together for the past eleven years. Don't you think if we were going to hook up we would have done it by now?" Sober Ash whined, glancing at the two drunks, whose faces had lit up at the words 'hook up'.

Misty beamed. "What a co-inky-dink. See, Ash and I _are _about to hook up!"

"And we haven't done it yet but we're about to do it!" Ash cheered.

The sober pair blinked at one another, wondering if they could possibly be that obnoxious when drunk, of if this was just a horrible dream of their own.

"Alright. First we're going to take you to Brock. He's all alone this Halloween, without either of you two brighten him up who knows what he'll do? He may get so desperate he'll sleep with a real ugly chick!" Sober Ash laughed until Sober Misty smacked him hard across the back of his head.

"There are _worse _things he could do than sleep with an ugly girl!" She spluttered. "He could kill himself!"

All three of them stared at her with incredulous eyes, sober Ash being the first to speak up and say, "Misty, you _really _think Brock would kill himself over not spending time with us? I think he might be excited to not spend time with us, especially if we're drunk. We're horrible, obnoxious children, Mist. Hell, five minutes in and I don't want to spend time with drunk us, which means all of this can be fixed by not drinking!"

"Or using a condom!" Ash shouted, smiling like he had won the intelligence lottery.

"And you wonder why I hate you." Sober Misty snarled. "After a few minutes of hanging around here I sure as hell am not having sex with you."

"Say what you want, but the results are right in front of us." Sober Ash said cockily, gesturing to the two in front of him. "A little tipsy and you're all over me! But that's not important. Come on, drunk us, no sec. It's off to meet Brock!"

"Ghosts are prudes," Misty whispered. Ash nodded.

The sober ghost snapped their fingers and they appeared in a smoky bar. The atmosphere was thick, hot, and heavy. Halloween like songs blasted over the speakers, people danced in drunken ways, and Brock was leaning over the bar, chugging a beer and looking around the room with still sober eyes. A closer inspection on the bottle revealed it to be a non-alcoholic beer. He seemed to be bored, with drooping eyes and yawns.

"See, maybe if you were there to be girl-bait, Ash, Brock would be able to find a nice girl," Sober Ash suggested.

"Brock met a girl already," Ash pointed out. "They're dating, but she's out doing…something now. I don't really care what she's doing, but she's not here. She's a prude too. A lot of people are prudes. Do you know why? I think it's because you're not drunk enough.

"You can remember all that but you can't figure out a simple words problem. Damn liquor," he sighed. "Well, why would you want your friend to suffer and be bored? That's a horrible friend. See, since Brock is a good guy, he's sober. He won't drink and drive. He won't sleep with an ugly girl. He want lose control of his brain and liver and die. So…don't drink, ever! You're going to ruin your entire life due to that damn alcohol!"

"Would you stop with the after school special already?" Sober Misty snapped. "We've all got it. They shouldn't drink, but we both know we're never gonna stop. We just have to concentrate on them talking instead of resorting to violence and sex and other relations that come with major consequences."

He beamed. "You're cute when you're angry. Hey, could you act all cute and innocent and sexy, since we're ghost and we can have sex without any consequences?"

"No, I will not!" Sober Misty snarled.

"I guess I am a pretty bad girl, headmaster," Misty said, pouting her lips and popping her breasts forward in her already tight, revealing Catwoman outfit. "You're so right. But I don't think a detention is fitting enough. We're all alone in this big, scary room, and I deserve to be spanked."

Both Ashes' mouths dropped wide open, Sober Misty flushing and hiding her face in her hands. Meanwhile, Misty continued to blurt several sexy things, get in erotic positions, and all in all completely divert the boys from the subject at hand. The final straw for Sober Misty was a giggling comment about, "Double your pleasure, double your fun, the boys are here and the threesome's begun!"

"Shut up! Can't you see you're making a fool out of yourself?" She grabbed Misty's arm and yanked her close, trying to shake the drunk out of her. "Save it for someone good, sweet. Someone who will care about you and believe in you no matter how bleak the outlook! Save it for the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, or, at least someone you could have a long, stable relationship with."

The drunk girl stopped her sexy ramblings to inquire, "Well, who's that?"

Sober Misty smirked at this. "That's what we're here to find out. Now, come on. We may not have any consequences of you two having sex now, but I do, unfortunately, know of a couple that are talking about sex and love and all the important stuff right at this moment."

Another snap and they were in a bedroom, a sight that made the boys cheers and girls cringe. It was no surprise to find Daisy and Tracey in bed. They had been married for several years, no children yet, but they hadn't been trying for one. They were cuddled under the sheets, from what they could see, naked. Tracey hugged Daisy from behind, cuddling his wife close and resting his chin on her shoulder. Breathing was slow, ragged, they had obviously been doing something exciting a few moments before, and the room clearly smelled of sex. It wasn't a pleasant sight to see with your older sister and a good friend, even if that good friend was her husband.

"'Member our first time?" Tracey whispered suddenly, both sets of eyes opening in the dark.

The blonde smiled and cuddled closer. "Mmm, how could I forget? You were so excited to see a girl naked you almost fainted. You shook so much I was wondering if you'd be able to aim straight. In case you're wondering, you couldn't."

"It wasn't just a girl," he retorted. "I'd seen girls naked before. I've got magazines under my bed. Er, not anymore of course." Daisy rolled her eyes and chuckled at that. "It was you. I'd waited for so long to see you and then I finally got to. You didn't have any naked pictures on the internet. I tried. Such a shame, every celebrity is supposed to have some kind of naked picture. But, it _was_ worth waiting for."

"Waiting? What waiting?" Daisy asked, turning to look at him. "We were dating a couple months and I told you we could have sex. You practically fainted with joy." She giggled. "It was cute. I'd never been more flattered."

"You're hot," he laughed. "I never get any hot girls interested in me. And I was waiting. You don't know how many time I thought about sleeping with you. It would have been so amazing to just throw you on the couch and-"

"The real thing was a bit of a letdown, huh?" She smirked, rolling to face him, completely turning her body now instead of just her head. "You were so nervous you couldn't do anything. I don't think you even managed to get anything out of it. I told you that you'd do better with practice. Thank Mew you did. If you didn't I never would have said yes when you asked to marry me. We'd be over faster than you could say sexless."

"I bet I could do even better if we practice again," he suggested sweetly.

"No," she chuckled, kissing his nose. "Go to sleep, Trace. If I'm in the mood tomorrow we can have all the sex you want. That's right, Tracey, no condom. And then I'll have nine months of pregnancy hell and I'll have at least eighteen years of child hell."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." He kissed her lips three times, quick and happy, before curling her into his chest. "Goodnight, sweetie. And remember, I may not be suffering when you're pregnant, but I'll walk through child hell with you every step of the way."

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "You're such a corny guy. Sweet, but corny."

"I did not need to know their condom usage." Drunk Misty gulped shaking her head. "I don't need to know they're having sex, but, congrats, I'm turned _way _off now, off, off, off. Misty does not want sex. Or a nephew. Or a niece. Or any sign that Tracey and Daisy are doing _that_. Now I'm going to have to burn _their _bed. Can we go back to bed now? What if they wake up and start humping? I don't want to see that! I'm innocent!"

"Yeah, uh, can you do that school girl thing for us again to prove it?" Sober Ash asked, grinning wildly.

Sober Misty elbowed him, face red and furious. "Would you stop that? I don't know why all men are so addicted to sex. All of you! I don't care what you say, that's all you ever think about! Well, I'm not a sex toy. I'm a living, thinking being, more than my body and the sum of my parts!"

"You're damn sexy when you're mad."

Her eyes widened and her face flushed deeper. "You're so annoying!"

Ash grinned. "Yeah, but once we're, you know, also out of imaginations and stuff we've already done it. In really great ways. So, well, whenever I see you I just see you naked, screaming my name, in whatever sexual fantasies these two have imagined up for us."

"What?" She squawked, covering her clothes body with her hands.

"I can't help it! We're still connected to them and _he's _horny as hell! He doesn't care if Tracey and Daisy have sex, in fact, we're kind of happy the guy's getting some action! I can't help it if I am too. Don't tell me there isn't a coy, sexy Misty that was itching to get out a few minutes ago."

"No, I can control myself," She cleared her throat and raised her hand to snap her fingers. "No sex, the ghost of your future will be here in no time at all. No sex. You got that? There is absolutely no sex allowed, not now. You need to exercise self restraint too. And you need to concentrate on talking instead of acting, taking the proper steps and only going as far as you're ready to in order to ensure a healthy relationship."

Another snap from the prude ghosts and they were back in the bedroom, pouting over the no sex rule. They looked around slyly, noting that no ghost were in the room with them and eagerly closed in on one another, lips clashing and stripped as fast as they could in hoped for a quickie. They didn't even manage to get their masks off, sadly, before the next two ghosts of Halloween Future appeared in the room with them, tsking their tongues and making them feel like the children they were.

"Down, children. Damn, Mist, we're worse than our own kids!" Old Ash cried. Well, more accurately, Middle Aged Ash. This Ash and Misty couldn't be older than their fifties, probably in their mid forties. Both were clad in jeans and t-shirts, though it was much too dark to tell the color or the designs of the shirt. "And the times still haven't changed. I still don't want to watch us have sex. Not little me, not sober me, and certainly not old me. We're probably disgusting."

"Wonderful," she rolled her eyes. The two young adults were gawking now. "What, you've never seen a gorgeous thirty nine year old woman before?"

Ash rolled his eyes as well, slinging a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Oh, don't be silly, sweetheart. It's dark and they're drunk. You can try for younger. Tell them you're twenty five. I bet if they're drunk enough for this they'll be drunk enough to believe an obvious lie."

She crossed her arms. "Do you want me to kick your ass, because I will if you want me to. I really think you want me to kick your ass."

Ash raised his hand.

Middle Aged Misty sighed, rubbing a temple with one hand. "Yes, Ash, what is it?"

"Ma'am, I'd rather not get my ass kicked, but you can ride my iron train all the way to climax." He suggested, making his older counterpart cough to hide a laugh.

"Don't laugh, Ashley. He can probably hold an erection as long as you can. Except he doesn't need pills." She glared. "That cost too much and you don't even _need _to hold it for eight hours. I've got a career you know, I like to sleep and I've got shit to do in the morning. But there is one comparison that'll never change: he'll still fall asleep right after, won't you kid?"

"Probably. But it was a good innuendo, wasn't it?" He asked hopefully.

"It was a beautiful innuendo, sweetheart," She consoled. "Now, do you want to go to the good future or the bad future first? The good future will brighten up the mood if you see it after the bad. Personally, I'd rather save the good future for last, because I don't have to be there to guide you through it. You can do it yourself."

"Can't we just have sex?" He asked hopefully.

"No, that's not an option. That will never be an option. You have to wait until we leave and then we make a decision. Whether you have sex of not after that is beyond our control. We hope you'll make the right choice and talk things through, so you don't run off after you mess up, never talk, get AIDS and die," Middle Aged Misty explained, falling into the typical speech she gave her children to prevent them from ever, ever having sex.

"Wait, how'd we get AIDS?" Misty asked. "And how did I get kids? Are they his babies? I don't want his baby."

"No AIDS and the rest is in the future," Middle Aged Ash grinned. "Let's go."

A snap of their fingers and the scene changed. It was a party, a rich, lavish party inside an overly large banquet hall. They had it built in a strange fashion, styled as if it had come out of the Renaissance. All the people appeared to have gotten into the spirit, everyone wore flowing dresses or old fashioned dress robes. The dances were slow and they must have taken some kind of lesson to learn to dance in the impersonal, old fashioned style. Mist was in the middle of it all, a large smile that seemed to be crazy glued to her face, mismatching the rest of her uneager features. The man who danced with her was a blonde haired, blue eyes gorgeous man. His smile was as real as the affection shining in his eyes.

Misty looked around, grinning. "Not too angry here. So I'm guessing I was able to get over Ash pretty quick and land that cutie. Pretty nice future for me."

"Yes and no," Middle Aged Misty took over. "The man you're with is your husband, but you never really got over Ash. Mostly because you're having an affair with hi. Jack here is perfect in every way but one: you don't love him. His kisses have no flare. His touch has no fire. You might as well be married to a family member. And it gets worse. You're pregnant with Ash's child. He think it's his, even when the baby comes out with your eyes and his hair. The fact that he trusts you so much only makes it all the much worse."

"The guy seems pretty rich too," she commented, gesturing to the large dance room.

"That's not his doing, Misty. That's your family's money. Trainer's come to your gym and your water shows, run by your sisters and managed by you, are bringing in a lot of cash. They party is celebrating the eighth anniversary."

"…I'm going to be a hobo, aren't I?" Ash asked his older ghost, suddenly realizing how much his life would have to suck in comparison to hers, just to make whatever man-hating god that ruled the universe laugh its ass off at his misfortune.

"No, you're not a hobo."

"If I have to live on the street, can I be a pimp?"

"This isn't an interactive tour. You don't live on the street. You're pretty well off too. We've spent enough time looking at Misty's side of the story. There's not too much to this part of it either. No point in getting into detail. You're drunk. It'll go right over your head. Let's see what happening with Ash." He snapped his fingers.

This scene was less civil. From the room they were in one could only assume Ash was rich as well. His bed was huge, fluffy, and he was drowning in softness. He was watching the large flat screen, TV across the room, absently scratching his mouse's head. It looked up at him and cha's, startling him from his daydream.

"Just thinking, buddy. 'Bout kids and settling down and getting married to a gorgeous redhead and punching her pretty husband in that perfect jaw of his. Don't care though, I like being used since he can't fulfill her sexual needs," Ash groaned. "Why can't she just leave him for me?"

(You can ask,) Pikachu suggested.

The language was something easily understood after years of practice, and he deadpanned, "Ask her? I'm not gonna ask her. She's happy with him. I've got my needs fulfilled. I'll just…eventually move on."

(Can't move on if you keep sleeping with her. Are you willing to let that go?) She bounced up on him. The boy rolled away from her. (Well? Are you going to talk to her again?)

He curled up on the bed. "Just go to sleep, Pikachu."

Meanwhile, the real Ash, the Ash still eager to have sex, glared. "That's the bad future? _That's _the _bad _future? I'm a Pokémon Master. I'm filthy stinkin' rich. I get to sleep with Misty and I'm apparently better at it then her own husband! That's not exactly a bad future! I'll get over her eventually. It'll take a while, but I've got my dreams. I accomplished all of them. So what if I didn't get the girl?"

Middle Aged Ash put a hand on his shoulder. "What's the point of getting it all if there's no one to share it with? The victory is empty. You got everything you ever wanted and it means nothing. You're the only bachelor left in your group, Ash, and you pulled back into yourself more and more as the lies grew. Misty knows it's your baby. This time of conception is just roomy enough for her to lie and say it was the night before he went on his trip, but it wasn't. The day she skipped her pill, two days, actually, were both days she had been with you. It had to be yours so the lie keeps growing. Do you know what happens when lies grow?"

"They grow bigger and bigger until there's nothing left but lies." Ash swallowed thickly. "Mom told us that…but it's still a nice future. A good future. I could stand it."

The man's voice raised, "But is all of it worth the one night stand? Is it worth the drunken pleasure that you won't remember tomorrow morning? Can't you manage to sum up the courage to look her in the eyes and tell her what you really feel, when you know from experience there was no fear of rejection? How big is your damn fear of commitment that you can't even try a steady relationship before you fuck her"

"Ash, you've yelled at him enough," Misty scolded, squeezing her husband shoulder. "Let's try positive reinforcement. Kids, let's go to the good future now. Let's see what would happen if you talk tomorrow morning instead of running off."

Another snap of the fingers and the ending scene was sweet. They hovered over a baby's crib, the little one gurgling and waving her feet around inside. Her hair was black, barely covering her head. Her eyes were darkening from their first baby blue, tinting with darker shades and green. Ash's hand looped loosely around Misty's waist, her head leaned on his shoulder. They weren't much older in this one, only three or four years older. The house they lived in wasn't big of lavish, but they didn't seem unhappy like they did before.

"I hope these new shows at the gym are a big hit. We could use the extra money with little Miranda here."

"What about my career? I'm about to get the Master title. That's an eternal title plus a job, plus advertisements. No one can beat me in three consecutive battles!" He puffed out his pressed proudly, deflating when she jabbed him in the stomach, making him double over with an moan.

Misty snorted. "Please, you'll lose in a week when Gary challenges you."

The cure of the bellyache was instant. "Gary!" He exclaimed. "You did not just compare me to Gary Oak!"

"I did too," she shot back, "and I think he's better than you. I should be married to him, instead…that reminds me, do you think anyone figured out I was pregnant before the wedding?" She paused self consciously. "A couple months before the wedding?"

"I don't care," He grinned, beginning to kiss her neck. "I do care about you breast feeding and keeping them a size bigger, and I care about you paying for what you said. I'll so you who's better, and it definitely isn't Gary under the sheets."

"Ash," she whined, rushing away. "There's a baby in this room! We can't traumatize the baby! What if she started crying in the middle? That'll ruin the mood."

"Not my mood!" he chirped.

She kissed him again. "We waited the first time and it turned out nice. How about we wait until the baby falls asleep?"

He grinned. "You lie."

"I do," she giggled, and was swept off her feet as they jumped into bed.

Ash and Misty, the real Ash and Misty, were plopped into bed at the same moment. They looked around, confused. No ghost were to be found, no one was bursting into the room to tell them no. Yet they were still suffering from alcohol poisoning, and it was taking them longer than it normally would to determine they were alone. Ash even got out of the bed to check under it, asking if any ghosts were there to cure his headache.

However, they did eventually determine they were alone as a few heated glances returned the lust to its proper place. It was that same lust that brought them closer together. Lust brought their lips together and lefts them, again, in their underwear. But this time, Ash was making not motion for her underwear, no more than Misty was going for his. Each kissed slowly, deeply, though sloppily thanks to the hangover.

It was during the kiss that Ash pulled away, and whispered, "Can we wait for when we're sober instead?"

She smiled, sleepily, fingers drawing designs on his chest. "And why, oh why would you ever want to do that? It won't save the time stream. We're just not supposed to do it. And it's sad, because future me seems to think you're good enough to have an affair with."

He smiled in return, looking into eyes that were free of alcohol clouds. "Yeah, but we can have sex as long as we confirm a few things."

"Like what?"

"Like…" Ash began, wondering how to say it in a manly and un-embarrassing way. "I want to sleep with you forever, not just tonight."

She smiled and cuddled closer. "You mean you love me?"

He blinked. "Yeah, I uh, I think I do. I love you."

"That's good," she said sleepily. "I love you too. But I think I'd been pretty sober for a while, because my headache's getting really, really bad."

He hugged her close and the two curled up in the bed, in underwear only, house quiet and costumes discarded on the floor. There was no longer any wild pressure, any alcohol influence. It was them, pure from substances on that Halloween, that had technically confessed they're love, though drunk them probably could have done a better job of it. Nevertheless, they felt romantic, and Ash's breath was southing and warm in her ear as he said, "We'll try that talking thing in the morning."

* * *

This didn't seem as good as my other stuff...I'm sorry it sucked. :(  
If you enjoyed it, feel free to drop a review! It's not required...I don't blame you if you don't...-goes and hides in angst corner-

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!


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